As I sit here and reflect on what 2019 looked like for me, I start to feel uneasy.
Uneasy at the thought of discomfort, hurt, pain, and disappointment of it all.
But these things haven't always made me feel uneasy.
If you were to ask me at the beginning of 2019, I would tell you that these things feel comfortable, almost normal.
As I sit here and reflect on what 2019 looked like for me, I start to feel uneasy.
Uneasy at the thought of joy, peace, love, and support of it all.
For me, all of these things felt uncomfortable, foreign and undeserving.
For years I told myself seeing these things consistently is a red flag, is a "sign". Almost that I need to "prepare myself" for what is to come, which in my mind was always hurt or disappointment. Can you say "self sabotage"?
Now, end of 2019 and things are looking and feeling a lot different in my mind.
Discomfort, hurt, pain and disappointment do still make me uneasy, as they should.
They ground me in grace, trust, and forgiveness.
Joy, peace, love and support are now comfortable, my new normal.
They ground me in faith, self confidence, and gratitude.
I refuse to live a life where failure, disappointment, and pain is my comfort zone and to be expected in everything and everyone. It will happen, uhm hello, LIFE. But in no way, should our lives and attitudes be shaped around these things.
I am abundantly grateful, especially for this roller coaster of a year.
I have seen so much hurt turn into healing and that right there is enough for me to say that 2019 was a good year. But oh man am I excited for all the good things that will happen in 2020. Good things that I deserve because 2020 Paige knows what she deserves and isn't settling!
So, if you get anything from reading this I hope you leave with one thing...
YOU. ARE. WORTHY.
Worthy of ALL good things!
*insert sassy z snap*
Go into 2020 tackling the uncomfortable, healing, forgiving, loving and maybe some extra Starbucks. Give yourself a little more grace in the new year, work through the hard stuff, love yourself and don't settle!
Because you are worthy of all good things.
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