Acceptance.

It’s hard. This acceptance thing.

BOY, is it hard. I’m not here to say it’s easy. Because 100% here to say, for me, it wasn’t. For years, I have suppressed myself out of fear. Fear of rejection, judgment, hate, negativity, resentment and over all just being pushed away like I’m not worthy of love. Fear of not being ACCEPTED. Like I’m not a human, with feelings, emotions and thoughts. That all of a sudden I’m a stranger, someone they don’t know, an outsider. All because of who I love.

Acceptance scared the shit out of me. Old Paige didn’t know much about acceptance other than it was terrifying and so hard to understand. Old Paige thought acceptance of others didn’t matter, but at the end of the day, it did.

Suppressing that caused me more hurt than I can form into words. The gut wrenching, heart breaking, black hole that you feel always seems to get deeper and darker. You hate yourself. You are faced with these thoughts of wondering why a simple part of you is in such need for acceptance. Why you can’t wrap your mind around accepting yourself until you know someone else does. You feel alone. You just want to feel “normal” because this society tells you that “normal” is what is acceptable.

The weird thing about acceptance is: it isn’t about making your haterz your motivatorz (8th grade nostalgia). It’s not caring about what the negative, irrelevant people think. It’s about the people who show love and support and use it as fuel for you to be the most genuine you. Those people who want you, to be YOU, and will be there when the wrong people speak out against you or your life. The people who remind you that your worth stems from inside. The seed planted inside of you has to grow and flourish into your full potential. A seed can’t flourish without nurture, it has to be nourished by the HELP of outside factors (aka: who you surround yourself with). So yes, acceptance matters because it nourishes us. It helps us bloom. A healthy balance obviously, we can’t rely solely on the acceptance of others. For better words, acceptance is part of growth in our lives. But you choose what nourishes you, you choose the acceptance you use for your own growth and well being.

Acceptance from others (the right people) is beautiful. One day, the right people or person in your life, speaks your truth. They love you, encourage you, support you and have your back. They tell you that you’re VALID, you’re WORTHY and you’re LOVED, always. That they accept you, even if you don’t accept yourself fully. My heart has learned to use it for good, to LOVE myself fully and accept myself no matter the unkind, hurtful words thrown at me. Everyone, no matter what, deals with acceptance. I’m here to tell you, you’re accepted. Not by everyone and THAT IS OKAY! Your people, the right people, will show you that. They will love you, they will give you so much acceptance and love, that that black hole starts to light up. Things get brighter, more true, more genuine, more YOU. It will happen. It takes some digging deep into yourself but mark my words, it. will. happen.

Acceptance

will

happen.